Bad Advice with Kitty Pryde - via Noisey
At the moment, I’m on tour with Danny Brown, which has so much downtime (read: watch-other-people-smoke-weed time) that I’ve started cultivating sociology theories to include in the book I plan on writing about the weird and unexpected shit rappers do. We haven’t even been on the road for a week yet, but I’ve already got so much material; the most interesting being the polarity of Danny’s female fanbase, which can be neatly divided into groups that I’ve dubbed the “Quiverers” and the “Gropers”.
Quiverers are born of the net and probably will read all of this article, even though I feel like it’s going to end up very long. They watched Danny’s documentary on Pitchfork like 40 times and draw very intricate portraits of him with colored pencils and have Xs on their hands. They analyze his lyrics from a tongue-in-cheek standpoint and laugh about his wit. I like talking to these girls because they are my kin and when I do, they either scoff at me because I’m not that cool online or they get all weird and don’t know what to say. They pay $75 to meet Danny before the show, and when he puts his arm around them in a picture, they quiver.
Gropers watch a lot of MTV and tweet about fucking A$AP Rocky until YouTube recommends them “I Will”, which they listen to like 500 times and don’t pay attention to anything else. They take everything Danny raps about 100% literally, and assume that before the show we are all backstage licking molly off each other’s buttholes. They often wear tube tops, even in Michigan where it was cold as fuck and sometimes they come back to our hotel with “us”. Usually I like them- they all try to suck up to me for some reason- and because I feel like everyone should have the chance to seduce their favorite rapper I’ve even parked their cars for them when they’re too drunk to drive.
I fuck with both these groups of girls heavily, because Danny is great and I want him to have fans that appreciate his intelligence and also fans that will show him their boobs, because I want him to have everything he wants.
I also know what he wants. Danny Brown, like anyone else, wants to be respected as an artist and a human. Like any other male, especially those in the public eye and especially those who spend a lot of time talking about licking vaginas, he also wants to be respected as a “man” (which I put in quotation marks because my ideal man is currently at our home in NYC, lighting cupcake scented candles and taking bubble baths). But we all know what happened last week at our show in Minneapolis, an event that we are currently referring to in the bus as “The Thing” because we all kind of want to forget about it, and ever since the universal level of respect for Danny has gone from “we all think he’s awesome” to some people thinking he’s way more awesome than they should and others thinking he’s way less awesome than he is. This bothers me a lot. Him too, but mostly me. I’m mad as hell, to be honest.
I’m mad that a person thought it was okay to pull another person’s pants down during their performance in front of about 700 other people. I’m mad that a person thought it was a good idea to perform a sex act on another person without their consent. I’m mad that nobody made her leave. I’m mad that Danny had to actually wonder what he was supposed to do at that point. I’m mad that when I went home and said I had no respect for that girl, I was attacked for being a “slut-shamer” (after literally leading a girl to his hotel room at 3 am at her request) and, even more outrageously, for being JEALOUS OF THE GIRL WHO SUCKED HIS DICK. I’m mad that when two dudes pulled MY pants down onstage, other people got mad, too- but when it happened to Danny, the initial reaction was like one big high-five. I’m mad that people are treating The Thing like it’s some legendary event. I’m mad that even though they know exactly who the girl is, nobody in the media will even talk to her. I’m mad that I get a bunch of emails a day asking me to talk about my best friend’s “misogyny” and “classless behavior”, from people who have heard only rumors and seen only one very blurry and inconclusive iPhone photo.
I won’t go into detail about the actual events, because I was pretty drunk and I don’t want to tell the wrong story but I will say that it happened so quickly that nobody I talked to after the show even knew anything had happened (there was only ONE PHOTO and no video…how rare is that). I will also say that whoever wrote on Reddit that Danny was “walking around the stage getting girls to grab his dick” is 100% false, and to blame someone for their own molestation is a shitty thing to do. Anybody who is exaggerating this tale to climax is also a lying fool, and to call it a blow job is even going a bit far because it was probably the fastest thing I’ve ever seen. The Thing was not a Thing that Danny facilitated- it was an ACTUAL sexual assault, and somehow nobody gives a fuck about that but me.
Is it because a girl did it to a guy? Probably. I said this on my blog, but I’ll say it again- I had my pants ripped off onstage, and didn’t know what to do either because being naked in front of 1000 people is incredibly scary and there’s not much quick decision-making happening in your brain during that sort of thing. Now I’m prepared to kick a motherfucker in the teeth if he touches me AT ALL, and I equip myself with giant boots for that reason. What is Danny supposed to do? The girl was at mouth-to-dick level already and to push her away, he would have had to either pushed her face or kicked her, and even the most gentle of either motion would immediately be labeled “abuse” by anyone watching. Guys pushing girls is not a good look when people are taking photos. So what was Danny supposed to do, other than back away, which he did? And if he HAD figured out a way to gently push the girl off him immediately without looking like he was smacking her in the face, he’s faced with attacks on his masculinity by every douchebro in the building. Yo dude, you don’t want your dick sucked, bro? Are you gay? Haha you’re gay you don’t want girls to suck your dick haha gay dude bro man swag! And that’s a rapper’s literal nightmare.
So now we all sit in this van and play videogames and check our Twitter mentions and don’t speak at all of The Thing, because it’s all we’re getting tweeted and it’s very lame. First of all, accusing me of being jealous is hilarious, because I’m like getting married and whatever and also, I have no qualms with sluts. I love sluts. I’d walk a slut walk if I liked my body enough. Also, does Minnesota have that little going on, is this really the biggest headline they have? (Yes) And even so, why doesn’t Ricky Smiley or whoever just TALK to this girl? They know her name, some asshole posted it. There’s a photo of her right before it happened that the pros down at Reddit have thoroughly investigated and identified as the perp. I know why- because everyone wants the option of blaming it on Danny, because people can’t accept the fact that a white girl raped a black dude in front of a bunch of people.
We all read To Kill a Mockingbird, and if we didn’t read it we at least read the SparkNotes, so unfortunately I am sure this girl will never be brought to justice anywhere besides my stupid Tumblr. But to watch my best friend go through this weird racist/sexist sensationalism is 1% exciting and 99% heartbreaking, and I feel like actual Scout Finch at the moment so I will leave you with this statement-
I am a small white girl who DOES have society’s permission to at least attempt to beat your ass.